Subtlety
Subtlety There’s one letter difference between Beating children and eating children So, feed them well to make them fatter Then, before you start to batter Coat them well in heavy batter Frying them without the latter May by some folks viewed as a sin. More poems by Fledermaus Fledermauswww.poetry.monster
“Wonkavite…” by Roald Dahl
“If you are old and have the shakes, If all your bones are full of aches, If you can hardly walk at all, If living drives you up the wall, If you’re a grump and full of spite, If you’re a human parasite, THEN WHAT YOU NEED IS WONKA-VITE! Your eyes will shine, your hair […]
Violet Beauregarde… by Roald Dahl
“Dear friends, we surely all agree There’s almost nothing worse to see Than some repulsive little bum Who’s always chewing chewing gum. (It’s very near as bad as those Who sit around and pick the nose). So please believe us when we say That chewing gum will never pay; This sticky habit’s bound to send […]
The Rowing Song by Roald Dahl
Round the world and home again That’s the sailor’s way Faster faster, faster faster There’s no earthly way of knowing Which direction we are going There’s no knowing where we’re rowing Or which way the river’s flowing Is it raining, is it snowing Is a hurricane a-blowing Not a speck of light is showing So […]
The Crocodile by Roald Dahl
“No animal is half as vile As Crocky-Wock, the crocodile. On Saturdays he likes to crunch Six juicy children for his lunch And he especially enjoys Just three of each, three girls, three boys. He smears the boys (to make them hot) With mustard from the mustard pot. But mustard doesn’t go with girls, It […]
St Ives by Roald Dahl
As I was going to St Ives I met a man with seven wives Said he, ‘I think it’s much more fun Than getting stuck with only one.’ ————— The End And that’s the End of the Poem © Poetry Monster, 2021. Poems by topic and subject. Poetry Monster — the ultimate repository of world poetry. […]
Violet Beauregarde… by Roald Dahl
“Dear friends, we surely all agree There’s almost nothing worse to see Than some repulsive little bum Who’s always chewing chewing gum. (It’s very near as bad as those Who sit around and pick the nose). So please believe us when we say That chewing gum will never pay; This sticky habit’s bound to send […]
“Veruca Salt…” by Roald Dahl
“Veruca Salt, the little brute, Has just gone down the garbage chute, (And as we very rightly thought That in a case like this we ought To see the thing completely through, We’ve polished off her parents, too.) Down goes Veruca! Down the drain! And here, perhaps, we should explain That she will meet, as […]
My teacher wasn’t half as nice as yours seems to be by Roald Dahl
“My teacher wasn’t half as nice as yours seems to be. His name was Mister Unsworth and he taught us history. And when you didn’t know a date he’d get you by the ear And start to twist while you sat there quite paralysed with fear. He’d twist and twist and twist your ear and […]
“Mike Teavee…” by Roald Dahl
The most important thing we’ve learned, So far as children are concerned, Is never, NEVER, NEVER let Them near your television set — Or better still, just don’t install The idiotic thing at all. In almost every house we’ve been, We’ve watched them gaping at the screen. They loll and slop and lounge about, And […]
Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf by Roald Dahl
As soon as Wolf began to feel That he would like a decent meal, He went and knocked on Grandma’s door. When Grandma opened it, she saw The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin, And Wolfie said, “May I come in?” Poor Grandmamma was terrified, “He’s going to eat me up!” she cried. And she […]
I’ve Got a Golden Ticket by Roald Dahl
I never thought my life could be Anything but catastrophe But suddenly I begin to see A bit of good luck for me ‘Cause I’ve got a golden ticket I’ve got a golden twinkle in my eye I never had a chance to shine Never a happy song to sing But suddenly half the world […]
I had a little nut-tree, by Roald Dahl
I had a little nut-tree, Nothing would it bear. I searched in all its branches, But not a nut was there. “Oh, little tree,” I begged, “Give me just a few.” The little tree looked down at me And whispered, “Nuts to you.” ————— The End And that’s the End of the Poem © Poetry Monster, […]
Hot and Cold by Roald Dahl
A woman who my mother knows Came in and took off all her clothes. Said I, not being very old, ‘By golly gosh, you must be cold!’ ‘No, no!’ she cried. ‘Indeed I’m not! I’m feeling devilishly hot!’ ————— The End And that’s the End of the Poem © Poetry Monster, 2021. Poems by topic and […]
“Goldie Pinklesweet…” by Roald Dahl
“Attention please! Attention please! Don’t dare to talk! Don’t dare to sneeze! Don’t doze or daydream! Stay awake! Your health, your very life’s at stake! Ho-ho, you say, they can’t mean me. Ha-ha, we answer, wait and see. Did any of you ever meet A child called Goldie Pinklesweet? Who on her seventh birthday went […]
Excerpt – “Goldilocks and the Three Bears” by Roald Dahl
“This famous wicked little tale Should never have been put on sale It is a mystery to me Why loving parents cannot see That this is actually a book About a brazen little crook…” “…Now just imagine how you’d feel If you had cooked a lovely meal, Delicious porridge, steaming hot, Fresh coffee in the […]
Augustus Gloop… by Roald Dahl
“Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop! The great big greedy nincompoop! How long could we allow this beast To gorge and guzzle, feed and feast On everything he wanted to? Great Scott! It simply wouldn’t do! However long this pig might live, We’re positive he’d never give Even the smallest bit of fun Or happiness to anyone. […]